Questioning

I’ve been Pagan since 1988. During that time, I have done a lot of reading, studying, watching, and practicing. It wasn’t until I reached my late twenties that I started seriously questioning the “whys” and “whats” of my being Pagan. I’m in my middle thirties and am just now coming up with satisfactory answers.

One of the big things I miss in being Pagan is the sense of community. I remember when I used to attend church (I claim the Cumberland Presbyterian but I’ve experienced Southern Baptist too) a sense of community is something that came automatically since the churches I’ve attended had usually been in place for many, many years with the same families attending for as nearly as long as the church has been there.

The pagan paths don’t have that yet. They’re too new – the oldest being only about fifty or so years old. On top of it all, even though I am a solitary, we Pagans are still battling the collective “New Kid” perception – we’re weird; we’re different and nobody wants to play with us on the playground.

That "New Kid" thing is part of what originally drew me to the Pagan paths. It was different, new, “spooky” and exciting – and I was also the weird kid on the playground. It felt like I had come home. Perhaps it is as the saying goes, Pagans don’t proselytize, the gods themselves call their own to the path.

So here I am now. My reasons for being Pagan have changed. I'm still the weird kid but I want an even deeper understanding of and connection with myself and the divine.

…and so we finally get to the crux of the matter: what now? Where do I go from here?

Maybe I don't have any answers after all.