How to make a charcoal drawing

1. Begin gathering all the supplies you need to work on the drawing: charcoal, pencil, masking tape, eraser, radio, water, etc.

2. Walk to the studio, only to realize that the charcoal, paper and tape are still where you left them in #1.

3. Walk back to the house, pick up paper and charcoal and head back to the studio.

4. Prepare the paper to put on the drawing board and in the process, realize the tape is still where you left it in #1.

5. Cuss.

6. Walk once again to the house; making sure to pay proper tribute to each cat along the way, who are starting to figure out the pattern of the day and therefore will be expecting more the next time. Get the tape (making sure it's actually in hand this time) and walk back to the studio.

7. Pay proper tribute to the studio cat. Tick cat off for not giving proper amount of tribute (read: 100 percent of time and resources.)

8. Turn on radio, pick up charcoal and begin making marks. Make sure the charcoal gets good and powdery to ensure that it gets everywhere: ground into the paper, your clothes, skin and everything else within a ten foot radius.

9. After thirty minutes of blissful mark making, realize one key focal point is completely out of proportion to the rest of the drawing.

10. Cuss.

11. Realize that all is not lost and drawing can be completely saved. Begin erasing marks in key area.

12. Redraw the key focal area, using charcoal ground into your fingers.

13. Step back and look at the drawing. Realize that it still isn't right.

14. Cuss.

15. Realize once again, all is not lost. Set about fixing the problem.

16. Cuss again, for good measure.

17. Work on the drawing for another hour, remembering to make sure as much charcoal goes on you as the drawing.

18. Feel the muses begin to cooperate with you.

19. Feel the muses stop cooperating with you.

20. Continue to work on the drawing, mentally cussing the muses for being such cop-outs.

21. After another hour, walk several feet away. Pull up a chair, sit down and stare at the drawing. Will the drawing to look like the masterpiece you see it as in your head.

22. Cuss the drawing for sitting there, looking like you made it.

23. Cuss again for realizing that another key part of the drawing was left out.

24. Realize, once again, that all is not lost and the drawing can be saved - but not today.

25. Make sure everything is all right for the night.

26. Go home looking like you just spent the day down in a Kentucky coal mine and forget about the damn thing.

27. Begin again tomorrow, ready to give the drawing - and maybe the muses - another chance.