A first draft Creation story (read: a small novella)

In the long ago time, long before there was anything in the universe - before there were any planets, stars or even your Old Aunt Claire - there was Nothing. At first, Nothing wanted, well, nothing more than to sleep. So, it did. No one knows exactly how long Nothing slept because the concept of time wouldn't be invented for...oh, let's say several billion years. It didn't wake up for anything. It didn't wake up for a bad dream, a snack, or even the Monster Under the Bed, mainly because none of those things existed either. On and on, Nothing slept. That is, until something began to disturb it.

(ba dump)
At first, the something was irregular and barely perceptible (ba dump), which made it much more irritating. Nothing tried to ignore it and sleep. After a while, the something began to take on a rhythm and it began to get louder (ba dump. ba dump. ba dump.) Nothing couldn't ignore it any longer, mainly because there wasn't anything to throw at it to shut it up. That's when an interesting thing happened: Nothing woke up.

It's a no-brainer to figure out that Nothing was not a morning person. On top of that, the rhythm continued (ba dump. ba dump. ba dump.) Nothing couldn't escape it. (ba dump. ba dump. ba dump.) It got angry! It raged and seethed. Now, all that anger had to go somewhere. So, somewhere near the middle of Nothing and just below where its belly button would have been if it had one, a tiny bubble of energy began to form. This tiny little bubble started to grow with Nothing's growing rage. Stronger and bigger. Bigger and stronger the bubble grew and Nothing still couldn't get away. In fact, the angrier Nothing got, the faster and louder the rhythm went. (ba dump. ba dump. Ba Dump Ba Dump Ba DUMPBADUMPBADUMP) That's when another interesting thing happened.

The bubble of energy continued to grow but Nothing wasn't angry anymore. Another sensation had taken over completely: ecstasy. Nothing forgot everything as the rhythm consumed it and it consumed the rhythm. (BADUMPBADUMPBADUMPBADUMP) The bubble of energy started to pulse with the rhythm as power fed it and power grew. (BADUMPBADUMPBADUMPBADUMP) Nothing even forgot itself. (BADUMPBADUMPBADUMPBADUMP) Ecstasy. (BADUMPBADUMPBADUMPBADUMP)

Suddenly, Nothing came back to itself. It felt fear and panic. The bubble had become too big and too powerful. Nothing couldn't let it go - there was nowhere for it to go - and it couldn't hold on to the bubble much longer. So, with no other options, Nothing gave itself up to the energy and the rhythm.

BADUMPBADUMPBADUMPBADUMPBA

BOOOOMMMMM!!!!*
After a while (no one knows exactly how long of a while it was), awareness returned. It took a while longer to figure out what was different. Now, where there had once been Nothing, there was energy. Everywhere. Energy in the forms of light and heat were starting to be given off by stars of every size and color. Energy in the form of matter was coalescing into planets. Galaxies. "The energy formerly known as Nothing" noticed something else. Where there had once been only Nothing, whole and complete unto itself, now some of the energy was different. Split. Male, Female and many other varieties. All these new energies began to literally give new life to the universe. It. Was. Incredible. But that's a story for another day.


*Well all right, smartypants. We all know sound can't carry in the vacuum of space. You tell me, though: does "SIIIILLEEEENNNCCCEEE!!!!!!!! make for a good story?