Stories

Oops. I almost let the day go by without doing an entry. 

Stories have been on my mind lately. Not only the kinds authors write, but stories we tell ourselves too. 

Isn't that what we do? We tell ourselves "This is what I am. This is what I do. I'm okay with that" and most don't bother to look any farther. They are happy with their story. 

Then there's those of us who sometimes feel like one of the characters in that Pirandello play, Six Characters In Search of an Author. We aren't happy with the way the story is going. We feel, like those characters in the play, unfinished and go looking. Some of us go looking for the author. Some go looking for a new story. Some just go looking to see what they can find. 

What's the story you're telling yourself? Are you happy with it? 

I can say there are places where I definitely am not happy with the story. I do feel like a Pirandello character - unfinished, but wanting to round myself out (character wise, anyway. Physically is a different story.) 

Now, I suppose comes more questions. Am I willing to go looking for a change of story? Am I willing to be more of an author, instead of just letting the story go as it will? 

Long time, no see, dear blog.

Wow. It has been a long time since I've paid attention to this blog. There's been several times over the years that I thought about restarting it, but it never got beyond that. 

Now, in this time of COVID, riots and general upheaval, I find myself wanting to start blogging again for the same reason I started my little bitty, hand programmed (in early HTML, no less) one on Geocities all those years ago in the ancient times. 

I needed an outlet then, one that my ordinary journal didn't quite give me. I needed an outlet that boosted my confidence; something that said I matter. 

That's where I am now, with some very similar feelings. I know I'm not the only one having a tough year, but I was doing okay for a while. Everyone I know has been ill, broken bones, had multiple heart attacks and other issues. One family member has even died, but I handled it.

Then 2020 came for me and even the cat. I could barely walk with a knee injury and for most of last month, I didn't. I hobbled. Then my cat was attacked and had to have surgery. That's when I lost it and I didn't have enough spoons to go around. 

So here I am. Life continued on; people needed me to be there for them and me? I've seriously thought about counseling or therapy again, because I felt that I didn't have anyone I could lean on. 

I decided to come back here and do this instead. I am Pagan and supposedly, I have tools of my own to deal with these things. May as well remember who and what I am and use those tools. 

Because I matter.