Doors

"There is always in childhood one moment when a door opens and lets in the future." (Graham Greene. Posted as a prompt on personalwriting@yahoogroups.com)

My first response to this quote was, "Just one?" I just can't wrap my head around the idea of there being one door leading the way to one sole path in life which leads to one destination. (Tangent: just how would a person wrap their head around something? Like a towel? A scarf? A big, warm blanket? A flour tortilla?)

Life itself makes it impossible to have just one door. In folklore and mythology, doors are important places. They are thresholds, boundaries and the "in between." The boundary between the everyday world and Faery. The boundary between waking and dreams. The boundaries between youth and adolescence as well as between adolescence and adulthood (whatever that is.)

Ordinary, everyday decisions can be doors and it could be said we're constantly teetering in the "in between." Thought of in this way, "what if?" becomes a far more potent and dangerous question.

The Unknown Dervish

I am Al-Kahira, the comparer of nonsense and flowers.

I've put off posting about the tomato fest for a few days. I think I just needed to process a few things. It was a great experience, for the most part. There were quite a few neat booths - tie dyes, jewelry, monoprints, handmade dog treats - and not enough money. Of course, I liked this booth, hidden back in the corner behind the hotdog stand. I love those Poe t-shirts and I'm keeping an eye out for the handmade Ouija board. I just love that idea.

As for the "small part"...I had great success with the show. I heard people saying great things about my work - especially the puzzle - as I looked at the other entries. Both my paintings sold.

And there's the crux of the problem. (_insert embarrassed chuckle here_) This is exactly what I want. So...why does it scare the hell out of me?

It's not the first time I've ever sold paintings - it's not even the most money I've ever made from a sale. Is it because it was a spur of the moment thing to enter? Is it because it is the first time my work's been in a gallery? Is it because I'm just weird?

I don't know.

I just know this: I'm usually okay when it comes to my art. I know I have chops. I'm happy when my work leaves the next and flies away to make a life for itself in a new place. Lately, I've been having a low grade - or in the case of last Saturday, not so low grade - Birdcage like freak outs ("...You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham!...Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!...but you keep it all inside.")

Okay. Enough, Azra. Consider yourself slapped upside the head. Time to get back to work play.

At the brink of spontaneous combustion

At 3 pm, it was 101 in the shade. The news reported since there hasn't been any rain, the air quality in and around Nashville is now worse than Los Angeles.


I think I know what it's like to be a morsel that's been overcooked in the microwave.

Just one or two non-tomato related sketches...

Sorry again for the quality. I tried getting better photos but...meh. Just click on them for a little more detail.




Excuse the dirt on this one - it came to me just as I finished transplanting my Bertgarten sage and I forgot to wash up first. lol

The other Tomato fest entry as well as the good, the bad and the "eh?"

This is one of the smallest paintings I've ever done. It's 6 and 5/7ths(-ish) by five and 7/8ths(-ish) on Masonite.

I didn't get the wolf peach idea finished enough to enter. Someone told me I should have entered it anyway but 1.) the edges were way too messy for my liking and 2.) I don't think I could sell it. I'm just inordinately proub (proud, even) of my first effort of painting hands.

Here is the original sketch and painting:



Sorry about the quality of the sketch. If you click on it, you can see a bit more detail on all the leaves and vines down the left side. The painting is an odd size (I can't remember the reasoning behind it) 8"x12", I think, on Masonite.




Here's some ideas that didn't quite make it:


That's supposed to be a cuttlefish or perhaps a nautilus in the upper left corner. I really like that snail.


My mom suggested I paint some tomatoes just hanging on the vine. After thirty seven years, you would think she'd know me by now.


The Tomatoes of Good and Evil


You have to say it like that guy from the Princess Bride: "The Squash of Despaairrr."

Ah...the memories.

When I was a kid, we went to Cumberland Presbyterian Church, just outside of Hartsville, TN. It's not quite, as a woman from Queens NY once told me, "out there where even Jesus doesn't wear shoes." (It sounded great in Italian.)

I don't remember much about the actual lessons. I do remember my Sunday School instructor was a lesbian who had gorgeous long brown hair and dressed like my father. I was the youngest in my class (I don't know - seven? Eight?) and at least one lesson hour focused on horror movies about ginormous spiders and chainsaws that I wished I could see even though I was terrified by what I was hearing.

Wait. That could explain a lot about me, huh?

Anyway, I probably would have remembered the actual lessons if they were more like this.

Could this be?

YES!!!!

For some reason (let's not ask why), Azra was allowed to bring another computer into her home. I promise to try to mend my :::coughcoughmurderousharddrivekillingcoughcough::: ways.

Tangible Proof I'm Not an Artist Wannabe Poser

I feel good today. My paintings are in their new, temporary home at the gallery. I ended up turning in just two: the 'jester' and another where the tomato is a half finished puzzle.

I had a lot of craziness going on in my head as I walked in. I was sure I was going to be singled out as soon as I walked through that door as the Artist Wannabe Poser. Never mind the fact I made it through the selection process for this show. Never mind all the great comments left on this blog about my work. I kept hearing Ms. Mulcahy (one of my instructors from college) in my head, "Look at all that rubbery brushwork!" Then I saw some of the other entries.

My paintings were as good as any- and everything in that room. I got several great comments - one woman has already said she may just have to buy them. My work belongs in that show.

So yeah. I feel really good today.

It's all over now...

I'll admit it. I read Harry Potter. I had my copy of the Deathly Hallows on pre-order for months.

I had finished it Sunday night and started it all over again the next day. All I can say is this: Wow. I won't give any spoilers, in case anyone hasn't read it yet, but I will say that I was absolutely shocked at that big, wet smacker that Harry laid on Ron...poor Hermione, left out in the cold...I wasn't expecting that at all.

What? Oh....oops. ;-)

This once a week stuff just doesn't cut it...

I still don't have a computer at home. I think if I hear the phrase, "I'll try to have it for you this weekend" again, I'll scream. Yeah...scream...

The frenzy has begun. I've been working like crazy, trying to get as many paintings finished as I can. I'm allowed three in the show but I like (the idea of) having my pick.

Damn it! I want to post photos! I've also been wanting to play with sound files but I haven't checked into whether Blogger will let me upload them, other than mobile entries....consider yourself lucky. You're not being subjected to the high soprano wailings of a with delusions of melodiousness.

What was I saying? Oh yeah. (See? This once a week stuff reduces me to rambling.) I have two paintings at the moment that are...let's say "pushing me out of the comfort zone." One is based on a something I read about German folklore saying witches planted mandrake and nightshade in the garden to draw werewolves. It's quite a bit more complicated than what I'm used to doing. Another one started out as an extreme closeup of a slice of lime but is morphing into something abstract. I only hope I have the chops to pull them both off. I'm afraid I may not. It's scaring the hell out of me but I'm painting anyway.

Ack! Five minutes left. Just enough time to check for misspellings...

Have a good one, y'all.

A bit of an update - and a happy Snoopy Dance

(Or maybe a Kermit Dance. Kermit's wild and flailing arms and head seem to fit the mood better than Snoopy's bopping. Ah hell - I'll do both!)

I'm having to get used to posting without photos. It seems wierd to just type.

News: Yay me! I made it into the Tomato Art Fest!!! I've got two possibilities ready to go - and more than a few ideas for a third. YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

The other news is rather mundane compared to that: I'm covered up in fresh blackberries and Sweet 100 tomatoes. I'm about to be covered up with Rutgers, Arkansas Traveller and Mr. Stripey tomatoes too. Thanks to Toby, my cat who seems to think he's Don Juan, I have also gained four more housemates: a little black and white female and her three weaning age kittens.

I don't think he knew what he was getting into when he chatted her up.

Oh yeah - according to my computer tech, I am officially a serial killer. His exact words were, "Well, more serial killers go for a very specific thing and you are certainly specific - you go straight for the hard drive!"

Gee, thanks dude. I feel ever so much better.

On the bright side, I may have a computer back this weekend. Maybe.

All right - four minutes of internet time left. Have a good one, y'all.

CBI Alert

Well, damn. I've apparently killed again. I'm at the library. My computer tech is telling me to get an uninterruptable power source to see if that doesn't fix the problem of killing my computers' hard drives. See y'all soon - again - even if I have to blog from the library!

Authorities Search for Local Woman
Byline: Joannie Snigglebotham, contributing reporter

The Cyber Bureau of Investigations reported today they are looking for a local Middle Tennessee woman, Azra. She is wanted for questioning in the alleged deaths of several computers in the upper Sumner County area in the last few years.

The latest death was reported on June 17, in Ms. Azra's very own home. The victim was said to be fine, only to suddenly revert to a blinking prompt on a blank, black screen. Hours later, the victim was declared to be brain dead. At the time, Ms. Azra claimed to have no knowledge of what happened. She later claimed her computer tech reported a region wide power surge earlier in the week.

Authorities urge all Compu-Americans in the area to be on the lookout for Ms. Azra. If you have any information on the whereabouts of Ms. Azra, please call your local CBI office. Do not attempt to apprehend her yourself. She may be armed and dangerous.

Can you break what's probably(?!) already broken?

It's been two days since it started and I've been good. Extremely good. I think it's about to break my brain. I haven't made any jokes. I haven't made any wise assed remarks (aloud, anyway.) I haven't done anything, although it was harder than I ever thought possible not to be completely (childish? Impish? stupid? me? _insert your own word here_,) go grab my copies of Projekt:Gothic and Projekt Presents:A Dark Cabaret and play Voltaire's "When You're Evil" and Jill Tracy's "Evil Night Together" just loud enough to float to the far edge of the cemetery where the tent is set up.

Then again, it just might spoil some of the already bizarre fun.

The church folks are having Vacation Bible School. The theme is "Soldiering for Christ," or so the sign says, and it's complete with a big ol' olive green tent. This afternoon, they even woke the entire neighborhood up by playing a very loud recording of Reveille which segued into an ultra twangy (twenty one?) banjo (salute?) bluegrass number.

I can't make anything like this up. And to think, the "Cruisin' with Christ" car show was just a week or two ago in Westmoreland.

Today's offerings

I can't believe I forgot to post this the other day. I painted it in honor of my friend Connie having some work accepted into last year's Tomato Art Fest. It was the first time I'd tried to paint a tomato - I didn't quite get there, but I think it has possibilities.

Okay, I'll admit it. The idea for this came from both a painting Zezrie posted and looking at the photos from David Nykl's new movie. I got to thinking. (I know, I know...dangerous territory there.) I've got a hat and a backpack that are some of my most favorite things in the world - why haven't I ever drawn or painted them?
So this is a rough sketch I did for composition. My hat, my backpack and the old, beat up chair I can be usually be found in when I'm being a bum - or an artist, for that matter. I'm going to be painting this one pretty soon.


Sorry for the quality on this one. I tried to get a good photo but it just didn't want to cooperate. This was a "It's late in the day, I'm hungry and out of tea" sketch. This mug is one of three or four of my favorites. It's orange and I think I paid twenty five cents for it at a yard sale last summer. The mouth looks a little off to me but hey, like I said: It was late, I was hungry and I was out of tea. That's enough to make anyone not sketch right.

Safari time

"That I speak here of art as a Way, gives away that I see the way of the artist as a kind of pilgrimage. When you go on a pilgrimage, you set out from where you happen to be and start walking toward a place of great sanctity in the hope of returning from it renewed, enriched and sanctified.

However far you may walk, every pilgrimage is a safari into your own dark interior, an inner journey."

- Frederick Franck,
Art as a Way, p. 21
1981


There are certain courses I sometimes wish I never taken in college. Philosophy was one and oddly, World Civ. Don't get me wrong. They were excellent classes with excellent instructors. No, these classes challenged everything I believed to the point of severe doubt.

A lot of philosophers seem to think the only way to go is through our own minds and reason. We learned early on in World Civ how man first saw god as the raw elements: wind, storms, lightening, etc. Later, as man became hunters, the gods were seen in the animals. Once man began living in settlements, god was in man's own image. It made me wonder if the whole thing wasn't just all in our heads.

Once my beliefs were gone, I felt empty. Worse, suddenly the entire universe did as well. For example, trees weren't these wonderful, vibrant beings anymore. They were...well, just plants that provided shade and wood. It was a miserable place.

I had an interesting day today. It was supposed to be a clear, sunny day with no chance of rain. I got everything set just right and sat down to work on the composition for a possible painting when I heard the thunder. Rain was a comin'. I was half joking when I said, "Ooo...looks like Set's not happy with me for posting those sketches. Am I going to have to make an apology? How about some rum? Would that do it?"

The strange thing is the wind picked up, the clouds moved off to the north (Set is said to live in the Northern sky, in one of the stars that form Ursa Major - the Great Bear) and there was sunshine again. I got the rum, took a sip and it burned all the way down to my belly. Set got about three fingers' worth. The Doors were in the CD player so Jim Morrison got a hit of rum too.

The sun stayed out until I started packing up around five thirty or so.

So, was it all a coincidence? You know, I've decided I really don't care. This is my safari and I choose to live in a wonderfully, vibrantly responsive universe where there are gods who are mollified with rum, trees have as much - if not more - personality than a lot of people I know and there are things undreamt that I haven't discovered yet.

I aim to play. I may even misbehave. Ah hell, who am I kidding? Me and misbehavin' go together like chocolate and peanut butter.

Just to prove I’ve actually done something lately…

So, I’ve done a painting of Khnum and worked on a painting of Bast (it still has a few problems but it’s getting there. Veeeeerrrrryyyyyy slowly. She and I evidently have issues.) Now I want to do one of Set. So, I sat down and tried a few different “poses” and they all sucked. In sheer frustration, I did “Mona Set” and “Set on a Tea Break.”

Strange thing – once these were done, my eyes burned for the rest of the day. That was just my sunblock running into my eyes, right?

Right? :::_insert chirping crickets here_:::


I also decided it’s time to get back to drawing hoomans again and I couldn’t wait to post this one, even though it’s not finished. I didn’t know just how out of practice I would be, so I decided to start with someone without a preconceived appearance. He is a character from a popular series of books. Click on it for a better view.



So- who do you think it is?

I don’t know where – if anywhere – this idea is going. It all started with this sculpture. (Scroll down a hair to see it.)


(To quote Austin Powers: “Blimey! Nerd Alert!”)
So I got to thinking: if the dinos didn’t go extinct, what kind of “civilization” would they have? Would it be tribal? Would they have shamans or priests? Would they even have a spiritual way – including sacred numbers and things like that? Would those numbers be dependent on how many “fingers” the dino had (Tyrannids with two, troodon with three, etc.)?

I started playing with markings, sort of like Plains Indians used. The blurry things under the upper dino’s head are actual markings used on horses.

I want to play with “local” dinos, so these two are all wrong. These are T-Rexes, found west of the sea that was here way back when. We had Albertosaurs.

(/end nerd alert)

Oh yeah - the thing in the right hand corner is supposed to be a jumping spider but it didn’t like sitting for its portrait.



This is a result of an idle thought while I played with my dinos: I know what they look like in the movies but what would be like if they were standing right in front of me? This came from that night’s dream. These little guys scattered as soon as they realized I was looking at them.

I am so going to paint this once I get their faces to look right.

Right. I think that’s enough posting for tonight. 'Night, y'all.

Storytime

This untitled thing still needs to be tinkered with a bit (oh yeah, I have delusions of grammar all right) but I wanted to post it anyway.
___________________________________________________

That is one ugly saucer, Margaret thought as she picked up the old piece of pottery from the table. As saucers go, it wasn’t even really, well, round. As she turned it over in her hands, she could see it was only about six inches across at the widest part of the rim and about and inch and a half deep. Its plain brown clay surface was slightly pitted in places, except where it fit snugly in her hands. There, the surface was worn smooth from years of handling.

Margaret carried her find to the cash box. She hoped the people were willing to let the thing go for cheap.

“I’ll give you a nickel for this.”


That afternoon, the saucer was in its new place on the floor next to a blue, fish shaped bowl filled with kibble. Buttons, Margaret’s seventeen year old white Persian, didn’t seem to care how ugly the thing was as long as it was full of water.


In the weeks that followed, Buttons began acting like a much younger feline. Her once thick fur filled out again and her gold eyes sparkled. She became death on four paws to the dust bunnies hiding under the sofa. One morning, Margaret even caught her chasing butterflies out in the garden. Buttons had jumped two feet in the air after a particularly huge swallowtail and the dear old thing hadn’t been able to do that in years.

As she watched the acrobatics in the garden, Margaret wondered what had gotten into the old cat. She hadn’t changed Buttons’ food or introduced any new vitamins. Nothing, as far as she could figure, was any different. More than once, she caught herself wishing she could have a little bit of it of whatever it was.

And that is how the Grail, when its last protector died at the age of a hundred and fourteen, came to reside at 1475 Anderson Way.

Hmmm…look at all these cobwebs.

Wow. Has it really been Thanksgiving since I made the last post? Geez. I’m sorry y’all. I didn’t mean to abandon everyone.

Let me play catch-up. March rolled around again and Emo!Azra tried to make another appearance. (What is it about the third week of March that just makes me want to hide under a rock, cry and mourn something I’ve never had?) Anyway, this year I was on to her and there was no month long reign of melodrama and angst. Emo!Azra was sent to the cellar a home away from home and chained, damn it given a nice, peaceful rest.

Art wise? Until recently, it could be summed up with one sound: pppphhhhhttttt! You want an actual word? Poncif. I’ll show you the ones that barely made the cut, in my opinion anyway. Sorry for the quality of some of the photos. I don’t have all my graphics programs back yet.





These two don’t even look finished to me. The bottom one’s a little more complete. Still, it was fun to paint the shadows of the cup and someone liked them. I don’t know why.



This one ended up being a Christmas present. I like taking vases like this and filling them with the tips of hickory or oak branches. They usually have the most curves and interesting shapes to them, although you can’t tell it by this painting. It needed “something,” so I added the dogwood blossoms. I like how the vase turned out.

Happy Thanksgiving, y’all

Hey! What do you know? I’m making an actual holiday post. Y’all may want to start watching the skies and papers for other signs of the Apocalypse.

This Thanksgiving is different from past years. Usually, we go over to my aunt and uncle’s house to eat and watch the National Dog Show. Today, they’re going over to spend the day with his ninety-something year old mother. I sent them an e-card last night but this morning, I remembered several very young kiddies may see it. It was the gang on Sesame Street, gathered around the table and an absolutely huge roasted bird. Yep – you guessed it, there were two very familiar orange feet attached to it!

I don’t mean to be evil, especially to children. It just kind of gleefully slips out.

I’m spending the day gloriously alone with my cats. At the moment, I’m waiting for a pot of tea to brew and the dog show. I’ve got some chicken, wheat pasta, pesto and onion to mix together for lunch. Pineapple and several pomegranates are for later. (Did you know some folks think they were the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, instead of an apple?) I’ve got Charles deLint’s Moonheart to read, the Doors are in the CD player and the temps are going to being in the 60s. Yes, times are indeed good.

On a side note, I was screamed at this morning. I went out to check my laundry on the line and I startled the resident hawk. He’s been around for a month or so now. I don’t know what species he is but he’s so little compared to some of the red tails I’ve seen. My dad suggested looking up a sharp shinned or Cooper’s hawk.

It’s really starting to look like Azra’s Wild Kingdom around here. Besides the hawk, I’ve got rabbits, bats, two huge squirrels and two does making regular visits. The coyote pack is keeping itself across the road, back where there’s more forest for cover, at least for the time being. I swear I even saw a kestrel the other day.

Well, I’ve got more to ramble about for once but I’ll save it for another post later today. Have a good one, y’all.