Offerings

I think I will come back to water after I'm finished with the paintings for the Tomato Art Fest.  For some reason, it's hard to write about water - I didn't realize I was so rusty on it!

Another question came up while I had the podcasts going as I painted.  I think it was an older New World Witchery podcast and they were talking about offerings - especially food offerings.  How to deal with them?  Do you leave them for awhile and eat them yourself at a later time?  Do you throw it out when they're 'done'?  (Wait...was it The Jaguar and The Owl podcast?  One of those two.)

I still have conflicted feelings about it, even after all this time.  On the one hand, it feels rude to put out food, only to come back later and take it away to eat it myself.  One of the guests made the observation: "You don't invite family over and let them fill their plates, only to have it taken away and eaten by someone else."

However, it feels quite companionable sometimes to have something like a burger or a snack to share with Them.  It's a little like sharing the popcorn at a movie.  I also like to sit down and offer a cup of tea.  It doesn't seem so...wasteful that way.

That is the crux of the thing, right there.  I am the granddaughter of people who lived through the Depression.  My paternal grandparents never talked about it but there was always plenty of food stored away in the root cellar - all things canned by grandmother out of the garden.  My maternal grandmother rarely talked about the Depression but she had a lingering distaste for macaroni and tomatoes because many times, that was all there was to eat.  (It was just cooked macaroni with canned tomatoes added to it, juice and all.)

So it is almost an ingrained thing for me.  You just do not waste food, no matter what.

I came across a blog (was it Devo's?) that explained the shrine they had set up.  What surprised me was the use of re-ment - in this case, good quality 1/12 scale food, plates and even beer.  They talked about how they had enough to switch out 'meals' fairly often.  The author of The Twisted Rope blog points out that is is not only the food (or spirit of food) that feeds the gods, but also the ritual, the words we say - the entire act of spending time with the gods that nourished Them.  Granted, re-ment may not work in every situation but it still seems like a viable option in a shrine.  It definitely looks like an easier option than paper things that is so popular in some Asian ceremonies, where they are burned to send the spirit of the things to the spirits. 

Moving around the Septagram - the Land

So the second point on the septagram is the Land - Earth.  Before I go much further, I'll add the mystical aspects first, since I didn't feel that I covered much of it for the Sun.


The Earth, for me, is a steadying influence.  It is very much the foundation.  That foundation can be a very solid thing - like the limestone deposits that underlie much of this part of Tennessee.  The thing to remember is that sometimes, that limestone is dissolved away by the action of rainwater.  The rain washes the pollution out of the air - excess carbon dioxide, stuff from fossil fuels, etc. - and this creates a slightly acidic solution. It dissolves the limestone and after a while, BOOM!  What looked like solid ground is now a sinkhole. 

The lesson in this is that it is important to examine our foundations from time to time, so that we're standing on a firm foundation instead of having some insidious thoughts or beliefs dissolving it out from under us.
 
Not only is the Land a foundation but we depend on it for our very existence.  Our food grows in it.  Some animals eat the things that grow in it and we eat them.  It is also symbolic of the material world - where we live.  Abundance.  Security.  Health.  Our very bodies...

One of the first things I learned in Sunday school was that we were made from dust.  Clay.  This is true - many of the elements in our bodies is found in the environment.  Carbon.  Iron.  Traces of gold.  If we go further, each and every one of the elements on the planet were forged in the heart of an ancient star.  This is another mystery to ponder. 

The colors of the Land include all the colors of Earth - browns, ochres, black - but also the colors of the natural world throughout the seasons.  There are the bright greens of Spring and the whites and pinks (Ew. Sorry.) of the new blossoms; the darker greens and brighter colors of the Summer flowers, the muted reds, oranges and yellows of Fall and cold whites, blues, greys and purples for Winter. 

In some ways, the Land - Earth - is one of the most frightening things some can think of.  After all, we all die.  May people are put into the ground - dust to dust.  Some transforming, yet frightening stories involve going underground - Orpheus going to Hades to bring back Eurydice; Dante's Inferno.  Even stories about the Faery world involve mounds and underground courts.

Freya has a very earthy aspect.  Not only is she known for her 'earthy' attitudes (she certainly isn't ashamed of her body and knows how to use it for pleasure - both hers and one can assume, her partner as well) but she traveled to the underground realm of the Dwarves.  There she bartered a night with each of four Dwarves for her amber and gold necklace, Brisingamen.

Of course, the Land above isn't as tames as it seems.  Sometimes, it shakes.  There are animals - and other things - that remind us of its primal wildness.  Cernunnos can roam the land, sometimes inspiring wild, primal urges - to run!  To dance!  To have mad, passionate sex!  Other times, He can inspire the exact opposite.  Madness and fear follows when He leads the Wild Hunt. 

Pan can inspire the same feelings - after all, he is forever chasing nymphs in the Greek myths.  Yet He also lent his name to the words PANdemonium and PANic. 

Artemis can also be included here.  She is ofter in the forest, surrounded by Her Little Bears, free to roam.  She can be just as ferocious as a bear when they are bothered. 

Moving around the septagram - The Sun

Since I skipped last night from being absolutely brain fried, I suppose I should jump straight into it.  I've tried writing about the septagram before but I don't think I've actually written about why it resonates with me so much. 

I came across this particular set of what the points mean years ago, I don't even remember where.  I don't even remember there being any explanations, other than the labels on the points.  The definitions have come along over the years, but I'm not sure anyone could ever be finished plumbing the meanings of each point. 

It's said that the septagram first appeared in Hellenic Greece, when a seven day week was adopted.  Since then, it has appeared in quite a few places - alchemy, various forms of witchcraft and Wicca, math...

For me, the seven points represent, in a clockwise direction from the upper right: 1.) the Sun, 2.) The Land, 3.) the Waters, 4.) the Magics, 5.) the Winds, 6.) the Moon and 7.) the Connection that binds all the other points together. 

The Sun: It is our closest star, at 93 million miles away from the Earth.  It can also be said to be the creator of our solar system, when something billions of years ago set off a chain reaction that began with a nebulous cloud of dust compressing and catching fire.  That single little proto-star set into motion the dust around it, where it whirled and whirled; crashed and crumbled, until the planets formed and settled into their orbits.

(I'll take that creation story any day, although Dave Sobel can tell it much more poetically than I in The Planets.)

Of course, in Egyptian mythology, the sun can be Ra, or Aten, Horus or Set (there He is again!)  Ra or Aten is the sun; Horus is the rising sun while Set is sometimes the setting sun although Horus' epithet of 'God of the Two Horizons' (under his guise as Horakhty) makes Him the god of the setting sun as well.

Paula Gunn Allen calls our sun Sutalidihi, Sixkiller.  Not only is She the lifegiver of the planet, but she is also a deadly thing, as deadly as an atomic bomb.  There is also a Cherokee story about how the Sun was once too close to the Earth, making all its inhabitants suffer.  The sorcerers tried to move it and it took four tries to get it far enough away. 

We can all see this dangerous side of the Sun when we're not careful.  Things left too long on the clothesline fade.  Too much exposure burns us, which can lead to other, nastier things. 

However, without the Sun, there wouldn't be any life.  The action of the Sun's warmth at the equator causes the atmosphere to expand and move and circulate around the planet.  It also feeds plants and trees, when they convert the sunlight to sugar via photosynthesis. 

The Sun has its obvious associations with fire - after all, it is a big, roiling ball of nuclear energy.   It is the symbol of all that is known, or out in the open, hence the saying, "Bringing it out into the light of day."  It can power spells and cleanse magical objects and stones.  It is symbolic of action, of power, of passion.  Yellows, reds and white are its colors.  It is a very powerful energy - so powerful, I've had people tell me that if you draw it down and channel its energy, it will poison you.  (I haven't had any bad experiences with it though.)

Why honor the savage gods?

Black Cat's radar is in working order.  More times than not, I sit down to write and he's right here, looking to see if there are any edibles - and to look at me as if he is a poor, Dickensian starving waif asking, "Please, Ma'am.  A scrap, a morsel of food is all I ask..."
______________
Now that it's a bit later and Black Cat has found a scrap of food in Kuma's bowl (read: it was half full,) I guess I can write.

John Beckett and Galina Krasskova had articles today about honoring and loving fearsome and savage gods.  They ask why anyone would want to do so - why not just focus on the positive and beautiful aspects. 

I agree with their reasons.  When we reject certain aspects because they make us uncomfortable, it stunts our relationship with Them.  That's not to say it's not terrifying when our gods show their more awesome sides.  It most definitely is.  Sometimes it comes, not in a big act, but in the smallest thing.

I lost my great aunt in a tornado several years ago.  It was truly a terrible storm and it could have well earned the epithet 'Eye of Set' (in fact, one man who survived the storm with a broken leg was quoted, "The Lord grabbed my leg and kicked my ass.")

It was hard for me to believe that this wonderful, funny woman had died in such a horrible, terrifying way.  In my grief, I asked Set that night why - why did this happen to her?

I'm not entirely sure what I was looking for but if I was looking for comfort, I didn't get it.  I was deeply grieving my loss but in response to my question was the completely dispassionate, what-the-fuck-is-it-any-of-my-concern answer, "Sometimes, things just are."

It was one of the few times I understood the phrase, "my blood ran cold."  It was a reminder that the gods are not human, even if they can sometimes pass.  We humans also forget ourselves and act like we are the end all, be all and occasionally we need reminders that we are so not.

After I began to get over my grief and think about the answer I received, plus my daring to ask a storm god why a storm took my loved one, I started to respect Set even more.  In that one, toss-away answer, I caught a glimpse of the terrible awesomeness of this god.  Plus, there are multiple layers in that one answer.  Sometimes, it is the direct answer that is the most helpful, more than any platitude, no matter how well meaning it is. 

Getting back to the original point of all this, why not just focus on the positive and beautiful?  Because when you reject the parts you don't like, you saying that you can't accept that deity in totality, or at least as much totality as we measly humans can comprehend.)

Sovereignty vs. freedom

Happy Independence Day!

Sumner County is appropriately spook free tonight, as per Chinese custom.  Unfortunately, about the time I decided everyone was done for the night and got the food put out for the cats, the neighbors on the other side of the cemetery began shooting the loudest fireworks yet.  They put on a good, brave front but even Arlo gave up after eating a good deal of his food.  Black cat was the first to head back to the house, followed by Kuma.  Like I said, Arlo was last.  It was as if he was saying, "I don't care.  I got my food." 

I ended up bringing the most of the food to the porch.  Black Cat was happier with that idea. 

I was going to use question #2 in chapter one of The Circle Within but I think I will use the day to write about sovereignty. 

sovereignty: * supreme power or authority,
                          * The authority of a state to govern itself or another state
                           synonyms: autonomy, independence, freedom, self rule
                      
                          * A self governing state

freedom: The power or right to act, speak or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint

independence: Not influenced or controlled by other in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself      

Many times, it seems that sovereignty and freedom are used interchangeably and in some situations, I don't believe there is a problem in that.  Is there a difference when it comes to our path and religion?

Freedom is something we have from the beginning - we have the freedom to choose.  Do we stay with our birth religion; seek out another path or do away with spirituality altogether?  We are also free to do as we please once that decision is made, whether it is to show up for appearances, or to dive into the lessons the path has to offer. 

Sovereignty, on the other hand, is earned.  We have very little sovereignty when we begin.  Some people are happy not gaining much more sovereignty and simply going along with the masses.  Others have a need - a drive - to go deeper, to make the connections and create a wide ranging base of knowledge to stand on as a foundation.  With this foundation, they can build on their ability to decide for themselves what is right - their ability to govern themselves instead of going with the masses. 

It seems to me that sovereignty is the harder road, involving a great deal of hard work and not much room for slacking off.  In the end, however, it seems to also be the much more satisfying way to go.  

Panthers and mysteries

Once, a long time ago, Gods roamed the land.  They claimed the sky worlds and they stalked the Underworld.  The Sun, Moon, Morning Star and the Thunderers kept the stability and order while the creative, fertile, yet chaotic forces charged up from the Underworld from the Corn Mother and beings like the underwater panther.  We humans lived in a liminal place - the Middle world, full of beings in its own right: Hawk, the Horned Serpent, and the spirits of plants, trees, and rocks.

Of course, as a Pagan, I know this is still true.  Gods and spirits abound.   

I had a dream not long after I moved into this house.  I was walking on a high bank along a shallow creek on a bright sunny day.  I was fascinated by the water - it was so clear, I had no trouble seeing each and every rock on the bottom as if I held them in my hands.  Suddenly, I saw something moving beneath the water, a mountain lion.  I was seeing the top of its head and back, even though the water was only a few inches deep.   It stalked along the creek bottom until suddenly it launched itself straight up and right at me.  Its claws and teeth missed me by mere inches as I jerked backwards in surprise and it fell back into the creek bed.  This was no flesh and blood feline.  It was composed entirely of water.

The underwater panther is a figure from a group of peoples archeologists once called the South Eastern Ceremonial Complex.  They were also moundbuilders.  In some surviving stories from later peoples, it is said that a meeting with such a being will either heal you or kill you.  I'm not sure what that says about mine.  I only know that I had never heard about any such things before the dream.  The dream was so vivid and I could hear the sound of the water as it rippled through the bed as well the crash it made as when the cat fell back into the creek.  Was it just a dream?  I'm not so sure.  It is something I still ponder to this day. 

I had intended to write about some of the deities I work with today but sometimes, the muse has other ideas.  I asked myself if this fulfills the prompt for this week: "an opportunity for you to share with everyone those who guide, inspire and inform you."  I'm not entirely sure it does, not in the strict deity/divine way.  Still, sometimes it's the mystery of a thing that is the inspiration.  No one ever started out on a quest because they had all the answers.    

Things I do

I don't know why I am drawn to do this entry.  Check that, I guess I do.  I started blogging all those years ago because I needed an outlet that allowed me to open up and speak my mind.  It was a way to build confidence.  I find myself needing it again.  Despite appearances on Facebook, I feel I have been saying less and less.  At least, I feel I have been speaking with less...substance.  It's time to change that.  What better way to begin than to write about my Pagan experiences? 

In many ways, it seems to be too personal, too private to speak of my spirituality or my practice.  Plus, right now I don't have any one daily practice, although I do catch myself looking at a certain plaque I sculpted and just talking to the one it represents.  More often or not, I talk to Him almost as if He were a hennish best friend (as embarrassing as it is to admit that,) but it suits Him.  I do talk to Him more seriously at times but I can't stay serious for long.

I used to have a more witchy practice - the candles, the incense, the circles and spells.  I still enjoy many of those things.  I love how centering it is to sit and recite a rosary to the Star Goddess or to gaze into a candle's flame.  I still sometimes draw sigils and give offerings, whether it is in return for something done or just because I want to do so.  Lately, however, I have been going a more shamanic route. 

I took some classes in Core Shamanism many years ago from a student of Michael Harner but they fell apart when we couldn't keep a decent number of people in our drumming circle.  While I later read books like Harner's and Caitlin Matthews' Singing the Soul Back Home, the lessons I learned then didn't stick until all these years later.   

I won't do it every day but I try to journey at least once a week.  I love the feeling I get from riding the drumbeat through the worlds.  I love the exploration and the feeling of cooperation and connectedness I feel throughout (well, with the exception of that one flower.  It let me know in no uncertain terms what it thought of humans but I have to admit I liked its grumpy, cantankerous self.)   I also try to leave room afterward to let my experiences percolate through my brain.  I feel that to do it more often, especially without reflection and that percolation, is to risk becoming something of an Otherworlds Tourist, tripping through Worlds and not getting anything much of worth out of the experience.  I will not do that to my Gods and my allies.      

I have heard people ask and I have asked the question myself, "Are the things that happen during journeys real?"  My teacher's answer was that if you get something good out of it, does it matter if it's real or not?  I have to admit, it is a good answer.  Then again, there are the times I got some bit of information on a journey and it turned out to be right on target.  I also remember picking Michael Harner's book Cave and Cosmos and as I flipped through it, seeing a hand drawn map showing a place I had visited in my journeys and never mentioned to anyone.  There were other accounts of people having very similar experiences to mine.   

I think I have my answer on that score.  Something is certainly going on the 'is it real' front.   

30 Days (or so) meme: Why I am Pagan

Well, I figured it's high time I joined in the 30 Days meme.  That's me - join in after everyone else had done it and moved on.   Plus, it's hard for me to talk about my beliefs.  Faith is such a personal, private thing. 

So...I've got the headphones on and Voltaire's singing Oh Lord.  Let's rock this thing, shall we?      

Day 1 - Why Paganism?

Short answer?  It's one of the few faiths I explored that allowed me to be myself.  It also allows for the mystery of the world to be real, without excusing it as simply being an illusion. 

When I was a kid, we went a nearby Cumberland Presbyterian church.  Except for my grandmother, we weren't a very religious bunch.  Church was just Something You Did.  I remember Sunday School could be interesting - the older kids would start talking to the teacher about the latest horror movies they've seen or something they did during the week.  Surely, we worked through the lessons but I don't remember them.
               
I do remember some of the mystery of the church.  I remember at Easter when the "juice and crackers" were passed around.  The preacher would talk about how they were the body and blood of Jesus but whenever I saw them, they'd change back into crackers and grape juice.  I also remember constantly looking up at the sky because I had been told "God is watching you!"  It was like always being under the gaze of a third parent was way more stern than my mom or dad.  He'd send me away forever just because he didn't like something I did.
   
When I hear about seeing the world as a child would, this is what I think about.  Never did catch a glimpse of that guy that was always watching, either.

I started questioning things when I was about twelve.  My parents had divorced two years before and my dad was going to a Southern Baptist church.  I did. Not.  Like. It.  AT ALL.  There was no mystery.  No wonder.  Just a bunch of people who came to See and Be Seen.  Oh yeah, there was some guy standing up front talking about how we were all wrong too. 

This was also about the time I began walking the woods behind our house after school.  I couldn't wait to get home every day because I had a good three hours before my got home from work and I could go looking for a mystery.  I would have at least one cat journeying with me, usually more.  The trees were my friends.  I once followed the path of a turkey vulture flying overhead and found a spot I had never visited that was very sacred and magical.  The pawpaw tree growing through a pile of rocks was a faery mound.  Where did the water in the spring come from and were there caves in the bluffs at the top of the hill?  Where would they go if I found them?  What lived in the woods besides the cows and deer?  (I longed to catch a glimpse of Bigfoot but hoped I wouldn't too.)  The world was alive and full of joy.        

This is why I'm Pagan.  Now, not only the world but the universe is alive and full of joy.  The sky is full of bright, distant stars but it is part of the body of Her as well.  The sun is not simply a flaming ball of gas but it is also Ra on His Barque, protected by Set and Khnum as it travels through the Underworld at the end of the day.  At the same time, I sit vigil every Yule so the Sun will rise. 

Someone has to.  If the world forgets its stories, it forgets its reasons for being alive.  Life just becomes drudgery, a ceaseless routine of colorless chores.  I don't want that to happen on my watch, mister.                    

Wishcasting Wednesday

Jamie Ridler says on her website: "You can be a maker of magic and a tender of wishes. It's easy." All you have to do is answer the prompt on your blog and link in. Today's prompt is "What do you wish to know?"

Oh gods, there's an entire universe, both out there and in here. What don't I want to know?

Some of the things I want to know are pretty mundane, if fangirly. Will Atlantis ever get back to the Pegasus galaxy? (I hope so.) What was it Sam felt so bad about before he died in "Under the Dome"? Will we ever get to ogle see Wolverine in another movie? (Oh god yes, please.)

All right, I suppose I won't waste wishes on those.

Other things I want to know: why do all the best songs come on the radio just as you have to leave or get out of the car? Why do I always have plenty of pennies in my pocket, except when I need them? How does my cat always know when I have something to eat, even when he's two floors down and outside?

I guess I won't waste wishes on those either. Sometimes it's better and more fun to wonder than to actually know.

Will we ever find definitive proof of life elsewhere in this big universe of ours? Is this the only one or are there many, many other universes? Can everything be explained and unified by one little elegant equation, like Einstein tried to find? I kind of hope not on that last one. I'm not so sure I want everything explained. Not only does it seem to be way too much diversity to be explained with one tiny equation but honestly - what fun would there be in it? There wouldn't be any mystery left.

What's life without a little mystery?

So what is it exactly do I wish to know? There are so many directions to go in. Spirit, career, love to name a few. I may as well go for a big wish, one that is a little scary as hell for me. May as well kick that fear to the curb, even though I know it won't go without a lot of screaming and kicking of its own.

I know I am a solitary person. I don't need someone in my life 24/7. In fact, I need solitude in order to function or things can get very ugly and surly. It's just the way I am. I don't need to be "completed," "made honest" or "a real woman" by another person.

Even so, this doesn't mean I don't want to share things with someone. Someone who can appreciate the mystery, the splendor, the...total awesomeness of this universe but doesn't need someone around 24/7 either. Of course, I say that now. We could choose to be inseparable, for all I know.

Thing is, I'm not sure I know how to do this. I was with someone a long time. It wasn't perfect (what is?) but it was relatively stable. I guess a part of me decided, for good or whatever, that was it. When it was over...I don't know. How do you undo a decision you weren't even sure you made until it was taken away?

So here is my wish. I wish to learn how to let go of this thing that doesn't even exist anymore. I wish to learn how to let go so I can get on with living, loving and even more creative insanity.

This is my wish, I reckon so. (Heh. Thank you Josey Wales.)

Doors

"There is always in childhood one moment when a door opens and lets in the future." (Graham Greene. Posted as a prompt on personalwriting@yahoogroups.com)

My first response to this quote was, "Just one?" I just can't wrap my head around the idea of there being one door leading the way to one sole path in life which leads to one destination. (Tangent: just how would a person wrap their head around something? Like a towel? A scarf? A big, warm blanket? A flour tortilla?)

Life itself makes it impossible to have just one door. In folklore and mythology, doors are important places. They are thresholds, boundaries and the "in between." The boundary between the everyday world and Faery. The boundary between waking and dreams. The boundaries between youth and adolescence as well as between adolescence and adulthood (whatever that is.)

Ordinary, everyday decisions can be doors and it could be said we're constantly teetering in the "in between." Thought of in this way, "what if?" becomes a far more potent and dangerous question.