Friday, March 17, 2006


Why is it that sometimes I have to feel like I am going absolutely, positively batshit before I can get on with making art again? Yesterday was horrible. Not only did I wake up feeling pissed and disgusted with something that happened the day before (which I probably shouldn't talk about, even though the person involved will never read this) but I also felt very deeply lonely, wishing for someone absolutely snogilicious in the most melodramatic way possible - right down to just wanting to throw myself down on the floor of the studio and moan shakily with a long hanky in my hand like the woman in the Edward Gorey intro to PBS' Mystery! This after I had - also very melodramatic and complete with all kinds of hand gestures - ranted for about an hour to the gods about why I was so pissed.

Yes - it's true, people. Beneath this calm, cool and collected exterior is not a drama queen but a melodrama one. I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Deville!


Anonymous said...

I'm right there with you, woman.

After suffering the grand scale of my emotional progression for decades, I've decided it's part and parcel of the creative life... Artists FEEL their emotions on a vast, epiphanous scale, which is great when the emotions are sweeping, lyrical and lovely, but awfully wrenching(and melodramatic)when we're pissed off, lonely, sorrowful, depressed, etc... I guess the key is to embrace it all-life in full, good, bad, exquisite, ugly-it's all fuel for art, right?

Or you could cut your ear off and send it to the object of your wrath/affection.


Not that it's easy. Sometimes I feel like my whole life will be spent learning to let go, to accept, to ride the waves, to see from a larger perspective... I've certainly boiled away many an angry, woeful, wailing afternoon.

But we've still got both ears, right?


The Complimenting Commenter said...

It happens to everyone at some point. I hope that the craziness blows away and you are your normal, wonderful self once again.

Azra said...

Oh thank you, Zan! I don't feel *quite* so crazy anymore. :-)

You're right - it is all fuel for art, no matter how it gets. It can be pretty cathartic to take that brush and SLASH! and HACK! and STAB! that canvas. LOL

Hack off my own ear, though? Hell no. I'd rather hack off theirs, put in their face and scream, "LISTEN TO ME, DAMN IT!!!"

Ah, one can dream. :-P :-D

Azra said...

Oh thank you too, C.C! I really needed to hear that. I think it finally has blown over for now.

On with the show!