Monday, July 11, 2005

Fear the awesome power of the MIGHTY BAZOOMS OF DOOM!!!

Just as I was finishing up the dream description in the last entry, there was a lot of racket outside my door. At first, I thought they were repaving the road but then I saw it - my tree, the one I was going to save and use in my carving projects - going up into the air. TDOT was determined to get it.

Before I thought about anything, including whether I was properly dressed, I was out the door and down the driveway. It wasn't until I was running down the short stretch of road to stop them from loading up my tree that I realized I was still in my "bed" clothes: a super brightly colored tie dye t-shirt and (luckily, this time) a pair of shorts.

Now, let it be said that when it comes to the upper chestal area, I am not exactly...unendowed. Let's just say that when it comes time for me to buy a new bra, there's no need for any extra padding in the damn thing. There have been many times in my life when I would have loved to be as flat as a young boy but have been doomed to wear a 36D bra.

This morning, I wasn't wearing one. Like I said, it wasn't until I was running down the road that I realized "they" were loose. Hell, forget Dolly Parton and her "I can't jog because I'd get a black eye" story, these things were threatening to beat down all of Upper Sumner County. Even now, I wonder how there wasn't an accident, although traffic was already down to one lane. All it would have taken was one swipe and pow! One car over the fence. Pow! Another one flipping end over end. POW!! Homerun and the crowd goes wild!

I somehow managed to get control of them when I got to the guys who were determined to steal my tree. I tell you, the state must give their employees master classes in how to defer to somebody else. I stood there with my arms across my chest as I told them that we wanted the tree - three times and to three different people. Here is how one conversation went:

Boom operator: "Well, we have to take it because it's in the road right of way."
Me: "WELL, we want the tree. Can't you just move it up there farther in the yard where it isn't in the right of way?"
Boom operator: "Well, I don't know. I'd have to call my supervisor."

Oh buddy, if only you knew how lucky you were because I almost unleashed them again right then and there.

I did save my tree, though.

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